Monday, July 15, 2013

Tonight I Met With God

Tonight I started running again. While we were on vacation I did basically nothing in the form of working out. I ran a couple of times and rode the stationary bike a couple of times. The end.  Vacation doesn't really scream "run a mile" to me. Tonight however, I got a little more than just a good run in. I also had a run in with God.

I started work today and that was not easy. Not because the job is hard and I can't manage it but because I left my baby at home. Again. I remember when I had to go back to work when Malachi was a baby and it knotted the pit of my stomach and today was certainly no different. I act tough but on the inside, this momma was in tears just as I am now typing. (I think I cry more the older I get.) It helps that Nick is home with them for these next two weeks but after that, the thought of Lawson going to daycare, in the care of someone else, it breaks my heart.

But tonight, tonight God reminded me that he is faithful and that I am a good momma. All day, the devil pulled at me, pushed me around on the inside, telling me how bad of a mom I was for leaving my boys. What a bad mom you are for letting someone else take care of them. He tried to knock me out today but the God I serve said not today. Today is a day that you take back what the devil has stole from you all day. You take back the joy that you have in knowing that you are a good momma and good momma's help provide for their kids. I knew all of this before but tonight God had to remind me of that.

For the first half mile tonight this song was playing on my phone:
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

I could feel that the Lord was starting to speak to me. I knew that He was saying, hey, I've got this. I've been faithful to you before and I'll be faithful to you now. The next song was this: 
You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always
For there's a friend in Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

I know that this next month will be tough with me being at work and the boys in daycare. But I also know this, I know that God has a plan for our family and this is only a stepping stone to that plan. I know that I can make it. I'm not sure yet where I'm going but with him, no matter what comes my way, I CAN MAKE IT! I truly believe that I am where God wants me right now. Even though there are still times when I'm looking ahead and the finances still don't seem to be lining up, or when the devil tries to tell me a lie, that's only the small picture. God sees the big pictures. 

I stopped running at a mile and kept walking while pushing the boys in the stroller. (Nick was long gone once I took over the stroller.) This may have been one of my favorite walks. As the song above was playing, I spent that next 5 minutes of my walking praying over my boys. The neighbors probably think I have a tick or something because I was lifting my hands, waving them over the boys, praising God.....but I didn't care. :) That was some of the best prayer time I've had in awhile. As I finished up praying we were just reaching the house and Because of Who You Are started playing. If you don't know the song please listen to it. Listen to all three of them. You will not be disappointed. I promise. As I reached the house and let the boys out to go in, I just stood at the garage and said Thank you Lord. Because of Who You Are I give you praise. Not because of the job you provided me, not because of the peace I feel right now, but just because of who you are, I give you glory. 

I'm sharing this not because I want you to think I'm some spiritual person who just runs through her neighborhood praising the Lord. I'm sharing it because I have talk to some moms out there who would give up everything if they could to be home with their babies. And there are times when satan tries to tell them that they are not good moms for going to work. Truth is, if you are helping provide for your child because that's what needs to be done, then that makes you a great mom! You do what you have to do for your family. On the flip side, maybe you are working because you love your family and your career. Maybe you're not the stay at home type. THAT'S OK TOO!!! 

Like I said before, I know that I will still be sad when the boys start back to school, but I know that I can find peace in the fact that God sees the bigger picture. I prayed over them and I know that God heard my prayers and He will take care of them. August 5 when they start back, although there will be some sadness, joy will come in the morning. 

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