Grace

I have my fair share of moments of weakness. I'm tired. I get up early, go to work, come home, go back and forth to soccer practice, try and get everyone fed and bathed, baby boy requires constant attention, and finally it's time for bed. I sit down and in that moment, I look over my day and say thank you. Thank you Lord for the life you have blessed me with. 

Now I'm guessing I wasn't saying thank you at 5:30 in the morning when the alarm went off and I had just got to sleep because some certain little boy didn't want to sleep. I probably wasn't saying thank you when I was at work with a class full of screaming kids. I wasn't saying thank you when I was rushing everyone out the door to get to practice on time and then back home to eat and get ready for bed. No, I wasn't saying thank you and yet He still loves me. 

My kids. My kids are my world. He knocked my drink off and spilled it. Everywhere. I yelled at him. He wrote on the ceiling and the seat in the car. I was so mad. I just wanted 20 minutes of rest. His nap lasted 10. I fussed at him for not getting in the car fast enough. He's 4. I fussed at him because he couldn't find his shoes that I had put away. He's 6. And yet, they still love me. 

Parenting is no joke. Living a life that is pleasing to Christ is no joke. There are good days and there are bad days. There are days when you want to give up. There are days when you don't deserve another chance. There are days when you just can't see the end. There are days when the mistakes just keep coming. There are days when you question why. 

How is it even possible that we can live a life with all this "chaos" going on? Grace. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 says, "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

As a mom, I beat myself up over the little things. Lawson didn't have a 3rd birthday party. (Yet he survived and doesn't even remember he didn't have one. Maybe one day he will when he asks to see pictures, but for now, he's good.) Malachi didn't have any camo to wear on camo day. How could I forget that??? I'm a horrible mom. Now he will be the only one not in camo. Really?? He wasn't the only one not in camo and he survived. Amazing. I've forgot to feed them lunch before, even dinner. Amazingly they are still alive. I hit Jaxson's head on the car seat the other day trying to get him out. How could I do that to my baby?? (He didn't even cry.)  

I told God if he would help me out of this situation (???) I would never do it again. I did it again. Awesome bible study!! I'm pumped up to read my devotion everyday. I won't ever miss a day again Lord. I'm committed to knowing more about you. I missed the next three days. God please just take this pain away and I promise to serve you with all that I have. I didn't sign up for that volunteer opportunity that he provided. 

It's just like the song says, "If Grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."  Stop thinking because of one mistake that God doesn't love you or your kids don't love you. Stop thinking that because you may have slipped up after being clean/sober for so long that that's the end. Stop thinking that because that mistake you made yesterday, or today, or 10 years ago will keep you from the love of God. Stop thinking that because you just wanted to sit on the couch by yourself for 10 minutes that your kids don't love you. Stop thinking that because you didn't feel like making cupcakes for the party and opted to get store bought that your kid will be mad at you forever. 

There is this unexplainable love and grace that is given to us everyday. Take it. Run with it. You matter more than yesterdays mistakes. You matter more than tomorrows struggles. You matter more than today's pain. I am daily reminding myself of this and so should you.