Random Post For A Busy Life

Malachi started the TOT program this year at his school and he loves it. There's no competition, it's simply learning skills and also learning academics along with the skills. I think it's a wonderful program. Keeps them active and teaches them as well. Last Saturday they performed at the American Airlines Center as the pregame show to the Harlem Globetrotters. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited he was. Patience was not his strong point at this event. ;) All he wanted to do was get out on the floor where the Mavs play and he just couldn't grasp that we had to wait until it was time perform. Anyway, they did an AWESOME job. Ms. TOT (Kelley) is an amazing teacher. All the kids love her. Depending on our summer schedule will depend on basketball. But I think we will let him play this year if he wants too. Malachi is loving his pre-K class and daily continues to learn something new. The other day he asked me where I lived and I replied: Texas. Then I asked him where he lived. His reply: North America. Well alrighty then smarty pants. I'm so thankful for Ms. Lindee and Ms. Jill. 

I'm pretty sure Nick has been eaten by a basketball. It's definitely been a tough 5 months with him being gone from 7 in the morning until 7/8 at night. And the following weeks are no exception. It's time for the playoffs.  Coaches wives ya feel me??? I've been spending A LOT of time with just me and the boys. We have date nights at least twice a week, mostly because I don't wanna cook for just the three of us which would really mean myself because they wouldn't eat anyway. I've also recently joined a bootcamp. Lauren is an amazing instructor. She's so motivating and really makes you feel like you can do it even though you are about to die. She loves what she does and I think that makes a big difference. I'm really glad to be in the group and meet new people from the church. 

Since I had a scoop on Malachi, I guess I will give Lawson is spotlight. :) This little boy his an amazing go getter. He is constantly picking up on things that we say or his brother says/does. I love watching these two play together even though they have discovered the art of brotherly fights. Some of my favorite things to hear him say are: ye mam (yes mam), tank tu (thank you), mal mo (wal-mart), Chi (Malachi) it told (it's cold) pish (fish), o  k. He's definitely his own person and that's ok with me. I'm glad that they are different and the same in their own ways. I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. 

Color....Through the Eyes of a Child

I recently was thinking about what a lady had said to my sister-in-law in Target, I believe it was, along with  my sweet niece Grace. (see their beautiful family below. Oh, and that's my handsome nephew, Patrick.) A lady asked Callie, "Where is she from?" My sister-in-law was caught off guard so she responded...my belly. I thought that was a great answer. Probably because I would have responded with a smartelic answer and my words would not have been very kind. But it got me to thinking.                                      

Have you ever wondered why your child, my 4 year old, color their dog purple or their cat green? I mean, you know they've never seen one walking around. Or why do they color mommy red and daddy pink? Why? Because kids don't see color or at least it doesn't matter to them. They don't care that their dog is purple. They just care that mommy and daddy or their teacher think that they did a good job. So, as they get older, we teach them that they can't color the dog purple or the cat green. Those colors are not "real" colors of those animals. We teach them the way we want to see their work, their coloring's  their drawings. We teach them by seeing color. 

And sadly enough, as they get older, we teach them to see people as color. I'm white (clearly) and my husband is black. (clearly) :) Never once has my 4 year old questioned why his mommy is one color and his daddy is another color. Why? Because he doesn't care. He sees us as his mommy and daddy. Until someone makes it a "big" deal, he more than likely will never question it. We don't run our household by color, but with God and love for each other. If you want to teach your child about color, then teach them it doesn't matter. Teach them that everyone is created equal. See color through their eyes. 

What Kind of Mom Are You?

I recently had a girl's night with a wonderful group of friends. We spent a lot of time sharing things about our lives and just really expressing the way we feel as a woman and as a mom. It was amazing the things that were said because for the most part, no one thought they had anything to share. But it was like, everyone had something bottled up inside of them that they didn't know about and we all really needed to share that. Get it off our chest. Talk to someone who would understand us and not judge us. Come to find out....we all had a lot of the same feelings. The same feelings of sadness, guilt, anxiety..... We were all just women/moms trying to juggle our so called perfect lives, when in reality, we are far from perfect. 

And with all that said brings me to this..... What kind of mom are you? I thought about this from a mom's perspective but in reality many women, whether they have kids or not, want to portray that they have a perfect little life, when on the inside they are dying to just be real.

We live in a world of pinterest, facebook, fitness magazines, the blog world.... a world where we, as moms, are constantly comparing ourselves to the next mom. It's hard to just be us when the next mom is over there making a three foot dinosaur cake for their son's birthday party, the other mom is doing her daughter's room with a running water fall, or this mom looks like she did when she was 16 even though she has three kids. "If only I could be like her." "If only I could do that." How many times have we secretly said this to ourselves? 

The pictures we put on facebook are probably 9 times out of 10 not what our houses looked like yesterday or in some cases, an hour ago.  There is no way I would show you what my house looks like by the time Saturday night arrives in fear you may call the cops that my house is unfit and unclean for my boys to live here. :)  But why not show you that?? That is the real life Cowan house. That's how my house really looks on a Saturday night, unless you tell me you are coming to visit, and then I guarantee you it will look like a housekeeper just came or at least that I had been cleaning all day. What you'll never see...is this?

Yep, that's my laundry room and all the laundry I have done this week and still have not put away. Oh, stop gasping for air, I'm sure at some point in your perfect life, you too have had a pile of laundry like this. I just haven't had time to put it away. Maybe today that will be my task to complete, maybe not. But I know one thing, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm just going to be thankful that we have clothes to wear and until they are put away, start digging husband and kids to find what you need. My friend said she found herself always trying to take a picture of her little boy doing something cute that she actually missed the moment. How many times have we done this? We are concentrating so much on putting it on facebook that we miss the actual moment of what they are doing and then we try to get them to recreate that moment just so we can take the picture. She also mentioned a family picture she had on facebook and it's such a good picture. Perfect family shot. She said, "What you don't know is right before or after, I think before she said, is my son was having a complete meltdown. Tantrum of all tantrums." Did we see that picture? Of course not because that is not what a perfect family picture looks like or is it?

What about Pinterest? Do you constantly find yourself trying to bake and cook every delicious thing you repin? Do you constantly daydream about having the money to redo your laundry room the way that pin shows it or having a flower garden that looks like something in a magazine? Oh I do. All.the.time. Especially the birthday party ideas. Something you may not know about me is I love throwing parties!! I love decorating for them the most. Every year, I stress more over the decorations for my boys parties than over my pile of laundry. Clearly. I have all these great ideas or I simply wish I could rent this place out or do this for them but guess what, we don't have that kind of money! I see others throwing these extravagant parties for their kids and a small part of me just wishes I could do something like for my boys. But guess what? Malachi and Lawson don't care about how much their party cost. I always make their cake/cupcakes. Not because I'm sentimental and it's really something special I want to do for them, but because I can't bring myself to spend $30 on a cake when I can bake one for about $3. And the decorations.....yep, all homemade by yours truly. Why? Because I don't want to spend money, money that I don't have, on "real" decorations. And it wasn't until this year that I became ok with homemade stuff. I made a scoreboard for Malachi's Mavericks party. Who knew a box, with some white paper wrapped around it, and a black sharpie would be his favorite thing at the party. (It's still hanging in the playroom.) The cost of that scoreboard? Nothing. I had everything but the box and luckily my friend just moved so she had plenty of boxes. 

It certainly wasn't a fancy party but to him it was the best party ever. Not because it cost a lot of money, but because I used what I had to make it a special day for him. We want to be that mom that has those extravagant parties and everyone just goes on and on about how wonderful it was. I promise you this, my four year old, your ? year old, does not care about the cost, he/she cares that you took time out of your day to make them feel special. That's all. 

So you have two kids and feel like you look like you have 5? I know how you feel. Why? Because that mom you just read about on that blog or saw on tv or read about in a magazine, is a whopping 120lbs and she just had her 4th child. Mom's may I remind you what those little critters do to our bodies. They stretch them in ways we didn't think were possible. And then when they get here, they run us ragged until all we want to do is sleep on some sheets that haven't been peed on that day or spit up on that night. Who cares that you've been wearing the same pants and shirt for three days in a row and haven't brushed your teeth in two days.  Reality? You are a mom! That's what our life is now. Going to the store with spit up on my shirt, stare if you want too but I have a precious baby at home (no, Lawson doesn't spit up anymore) who is healthy and full of giggles and I am ok with having spit up on my shirt. Oh, and you think I'm wearing a fanny pack under my shirt? Wrong. It's just my after baby belly. I still haven't figured out whether to tuck that sucker in my pants or let it hang out. And since you thought I was wearing a fanny pack, I guess I'm letting it hang out today. I'm trying to get back in a little shape, I even joined a boot camp. (what was I thinking??) But you know what I realized, I'm never going to look like those moms on tv who just had a baby two days ago and are now a size two again and I'm ok with that. I'm working out to feel good for me. My husband thinks I look fine and he has never said, "Man, I wish you were a size 2." But the truth is, we all wanna look like we use to before kids and maybe one day we will. But until then, be happy with the body you have. Eat healthy, workout if you want to but don't be pressured to kill yourself just because that mom can run a marathon while breastfeeding and doing homework with her 1st grader. God gave you a bundle of joy not so you could look at yourself and say how disgusting you look or how fat you feel, but because he knew what an incredible mother you would be. And those stretch marks.......Oh sister, those stretch marks have taken over my stomach. And I don't care!! I secretly like to call them my battle scars. Lord knows, having a kid is sometimes like fighting a battle. It hurts like nothing else and for the love of God, can it just be over with. But every time I look at those stretch marks I'm reminded of the two amazing gifts that were given to me and I would do it all over again even if I knew my stomach would look like it did. 

It doesn't matter what kind of mom you are.....super crafty, awesome cook, can't boil an egg, fitness guru, wishes you could walk to the end of the street without panting, paper airplanes are as crafty as I get, etc. just be the best mom YOU can be. At the end of the day, if your sink is filled with dishes, (10xs10 mine always is) your laundry isn't done, you didn't buy your kid a big fancy cake and it's homemade, be ok with yourself. Look in the mirror and say, you did good today. You are still alive. You are not perfect but no one is. Tomorrow is another chance to do something else. Let's stop comparing ourselves and portraying every part of our lives as perfect and just live in the moment for that day. People say it all the time and I'm now realizing how true it is.....They grow up way too fast. I don't want to miss a minute because I was trying to be someone else besides the mommy they needed me to be. God gave them to me because he knew who I was and that I was the best mommy for them. I will choose to do the best I can and not worry about what could have been. 

Let's Try This Again...

After a long year of not having internet, we finally are back on the map. :) Internet was one of the things we decided to get rid of in order to pay some bills off. Man, that was harder than I thought it would be. However, I am happy to report that some bills have decreased and both cars are now paid off!! Thank the Lord!

The boys have grown so much over the past year. Malachi turned 4 and Lawson turned 1. They have recently started fighting like brothers truly do. And all at the same time, love each other so much. I love watching them together. I'm learning a lot through the eyes of boys and wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.

I'm happy that I can start blogging again even though I'm not a blogger. But it does help me remember the day to day things as well as keep my family updated on what's going on in our lives. 2013 is sure to be a year of changes and a lot of those changes are beginning with me. I recently joined a bootcamp. (What was I thinking!?) It is a good thing for me and really pushes me to be the best I can and to get a little bit back to the athletic person I use to be. Maybe one day I'll make to running a 5k. Maybe.one.day.

That's gonna be all for this first post. Just wanted to shout out and let you know I'm back!!! :)

Pink Eye....

Malachi has Pink Eye, in both eyes. Ugh. Do you know how hard it is to explain to a 3 year old that they can't touch their eyes? Or how hard it is to explain to him why he can't kiss on his brother? And....do you know how hard it is to put eye drops in a three year old's eyes????? It kinda sounded like a cat giving birth to an elephant. Praying these drops work quickly.

In his prayer tonight, he said, "Dear God, please help Malachi's eye. Help him to not cry and scream." Such a sweet and sad prayer all at the same time. It was horrible putting those drops in his eyes. But you know what....I know a God who heard a little boy's prayer and a God who heals. Even from the tiniest mouths he hears those who call on his name.

Busy...Busy...Busy

Sometimes I feel like we are running everywhere we go. Basketball is in the heart of the season and that's where we spend most of our time. Nick coaches basketball 3 nights a week and the other two nights he doesn't get home until 7p.m. or after. I always try to stay positive and be supportive because he loves nothing more than being on the sideline coaching. But sometimes it's just hard. I love going to watch the games but another reason I go is so we can spend time with him. I know, he's on the sideline so we aren't actually spending time WITH him, but just being in the presence of where he is makes it at least feel like we are together. I can't say I won't be glad when basketball season is over because I will. I think it's just this is the first season of either being home all night with two kids or toting two kids to every game. It has been an adjustment and I am managing. At least it's an indoor sport, right? He loves coaching and I love nothing more than watching him do something he loves.

This past week I started watching a little girl. Crosby is 7 months old and absolutely precious. She's a great napper and has become a champion eater from the bottle. She's such a sweet baby and I'm glad Lawson has someone to "play" with. Even though he still has no desire to roll over after her.

Malachi finally was able to move up to the three year old class. There were no spots available on his birthday but one opened up. He loves going to daycare. And his 3 year old class is doing some pretty advanced work if you ask me. I mean, I'm thinking he should just be coloring and playing but the homework he brings home is quite the opposite. So all of this leads me to.... I feel extremely bad that I am home now and he is still going to school. I want him home with me. However, I don't think he would enjoy being home with two babies, soon to be three, all day long. (I'll be keeping another little girl starting Jan. 30th). He also REALLY LIKES going to daycare. He loves being around other kids and interacting with them. I also think that this is REALLY important for him also. I want him to be socially interactive with other kids. I think it will be very important for when he starts school. We really feel like at this age he should be around kids his own age. But, I'm still on the fence and trying to decide whether or not I want to pull him out. What do you think?

This upcoming year has a lot of exciting things ahead and I can't wait to share them with you as they happen.

The End to a New Beginning

All day I have been thinking of what to write for a New Year's post. Do I list my top ten favorites of 2011? Do I list the ups and downs of 2011? Do I list my goals for 2012? I'm not sure I could just list 10 favorites of 2011. I definitely don't wanna list the ups and downs of 2011, cause there were plenty. I'm not a big resolution maker either. I know as soon as I make one, it will go down the drain. There's a slight possibility that I may feel down or bad for not meeting the resolution I made but more than likely I won't. So here's a reflection of 2011 and what's to come.

At this time last year, we were patiently waiting our first doctor's appointment to find out if we were for sure pregnant. The waiting game of finding out whether or not there's a tiny human inside of you is like watching water boil. Slowest.Time.Ever. It was a little nerve wrecking arriving at that first appointment, considering the last time we had a first appointment, we found out we had miscarried. But this time, well, as you have seen, we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. We were so excited to be pregnant again with our second little blessing. In February, my sweet granny passed away. It was a sad time but also a joyful time. The woman laying in the nursing home bed just wasn't the woman that we grew up knowing. Granny was always up and at'em. The nursing home bed confined her. So, when she passed, although sad knowing we wouldn't see her here on earth anymore, I was happy and peaceful. I knew she was with grandpa up in heaven and her brother Bill. No more pain. How could I not be happy about that??

In 2011, I moved campuses, from Cedar Hill to Oak Cliff. Malachi started daycare. He had been at the same sitter since he was 8 months old. This was much harder on me than it was him. Nick got a new job within his old job. He still works for Life School but now he is the computer teacher for the Oak Cliff campus. My best friend has moved in with us for awhile. It's working out great. Malachi loves having her and Jada (her dog) around. Malachi turned 3. Can you believe it?? He is growing up so fast. Every day he learns something new. We are amazed at his ability to pick up on things so quickly. Lawson turned 4 months before we could even blink. In July, we had one of the most fun getaways with old college friends. We all met in Turner Falls, OK and spent the weekend in a huge cabin. One of the best times I've ever had. (And we're already planning our trip for 2012.)

Of all the wonderful and negative things that happened in 2011, one thing is for sure, my heart overflows with love for my family. I live in a house with the most amazing man and two of the most amazing little boys. It's almost like I don't even have the words to describe how much I love them and how much they mean to me. Of all the things I have been blessed with in this life, these three are the biggest gifts I have ever been given. I will never be a perfect wife and mother. I can try all I want, but it's just not gonna happen. I will fail. I will make mistakes. But my hearts desire for 2012 is to make these three know and understand that there will never be anyone or anything that I love more.

This is the end, 2011, to a new beginning, 2012. I'm looking forward to what this year may bring. For starters, I start my new job tomorrow. That's right, I'm going to be a stay at home mom for a while and do in-home child care. I will be keeping two sweet little girls. Crosby 7 months and Dilynn 6 weeks. I'm super excited!!

Here is a picture that we took this morning before church. January 1, 2012. Let's see how much we change over the year.